it’s never too early to introduce your children to religion
*does drugs but won’t eat white bread*
All I have going for me is sarcasm, resting bitch face, huge thighs, and really good eyebrows.
You are so used to your features, you don’t know how beautiful you look to a stranger.
I can’t believe I’m even more beautiful than I think I am this is incredible where’s my modeling contract
[writes paper] this doesnt make any sense [prints it] [doesn’t proofread] [hands it in for a grade]
my kid: whats for dinner
me: THIS FAT ASSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me: *does split on the kitchen table*
i love fall colors and fall drinks and fall activities and fall weather and fall clothes but most of all i love fall out boy
"we’ve fucking time travelled, yes?"
this is literally the greatest audio post that has been posted on this stupid website
how would you even start sex like kiss kiss oh ok look im inside you