i like being complimented on my eyebrows and on my oral sex techniques
food tastes better when you took it from someone
when you grab his shaft, yell “pull the lever kronk”
the notebook problem: you see a notebook. you want to buy the notebook. but you know you have like TEN OTHER NOTEBOOKS. most which are STILL EMPTY. you don’t need to notebook. you’re probably not gonna use the notebook anyway. what’s the point? DONT BUY THE NOTEBOOK. you buy the notebook.
[panics but not in a disco sort of way]
don’t worry girl there’s no way you’ll get pregnant i ate like four condoms before i got here